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How to Support Grieving Kids, Friends, & Family
Get advice on ways to help a child, friend, or family member in their time of need.
Looking For Support
Call Grief Support Services at 218-786-4402 for more information regarding counseling and grief support groups for children, teens, and adults.
Helping Those Who Are Grieving
- Striving to be a support for someone you care about while they are grieving is a difficult but compassionate effort. The tips below may be a starting place for your support.
- Meet the person where he/she is. This may mean identifying your own anxiety as you do so but will allow the person to be genuine, i.e. crying or laughing etc.
- Validate the feelings of the one grieving. Know that you do not need to “fix” the pain, only that you are there for the person. All feelings are O.K.
- Allow the person to talk about the grief/loss, about the memories-both good and not so good, and about the situation which has brought them to this place.
- Avoid arguing or attempting to convince. Feelings which the person is experiencing allow him/her to feel and that is necessary in order to heal, to begin recovery, and to reorganize life.
- Avail yourself to the griever, not in an isolated manner but in ongoing support. Identify time and assistance you are able to share and do so, without second-guessing yourself or what you bring to them.
- Develop a comfort level with silence. Your presence may be all the person needs at this point in time.
- If the grieving person whom you are supporting needs to talk, let them talk. Use good listening skills by focusing on the moment without a need to respond or worrying about what to say. Just listen.
- People who have mourned are able to tell others what is helpful. What to say that is helpful:
- I am so sorry for your loss/sadness/news.”
- “Take all the time you need.”
- “I wish I had the right words to say to comfort you, but know that I am here for you.”
- “May I give you a hug?”-Always ask first.
- People who have mourned are able to tell others what is not helpful. What not to say:
- “It was/is God’s will.”
- “Be strong.”
- “(Your loved one) would not want you to cry.”
- “Don’t cry as it will upset (fill in the blank).”
- “I know how you feel.”
- “You can always remarry (find another partner, friend, etc.).”
Helping Children & Teens
This table will give you a general overview of what your child may be feeling and how you can help.
| Age | Common Reactions | What you can do to help |
|---|---|---|
| Infants and Toddlers Ages Birth to Two |
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| Preschool Ages 3-5 |
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| School Ages 5-12 |
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| Adolescents Ages 13 and up |
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Consider professional help if there are persistent symptoms that last more than a few months.
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Grief & Bereavement Resources
When you or a loved one is facing loss or grieving a friend or family member, turn to Essentia Health for bereavement resources to help you cope.